Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
