If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
