you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
