One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
