it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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