Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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