I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
