I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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