Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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