You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
