last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
