i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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