Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
