She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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