You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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