Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
50% drunk capacity currently
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize