Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
