Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
