She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
