I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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