Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
