Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
