R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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