she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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