I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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