um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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