i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize