Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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