my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
