She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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