hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
