I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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