So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
