He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
