I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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