I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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