everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
