worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
