Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My bed smells like the plague
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
