You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
