is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
