the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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