carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize