you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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