that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
