The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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