We named our party play list daddy issues
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize