Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
