Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
