I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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