So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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