Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
