I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
