He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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