good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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