i just wanna soil my oats bro
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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