dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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