So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I checked into jail on foursquare
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
